Refresh, refresh, refresh damn it. Managed to locate a flicker of a signal by the ‘no passengers beyond this line’ sign, ofcourse there’s signal here, nice try Southern but fortune favours the brave. Ironically, there’s also a Samaritans “call us” sign .
Atmosphere’s quite tense on the train, not unusual, this is London, South London, and tense is how we do.
“Trump has won Pennsylvania, it’s all over” I realise I’ve said this out loud and before I can even begin to bow my head with a heady dose of sham, someone behind me hollers in a chirpy Jamie Oliver-esque mockney accent,
“Actually luv the Beeb haven’t yet confirmed it.”
“The BBC are half an hour behind the rest of the media, CNN have it, Fox have called it, ITV have just confirmed it.” I snap back still focused on my screen. This is not me; a) talking to strangers on the train (sacred commuter rule) b) crediting Fox news with any accurate statements and c) Being that know it all news nerd. I was actually quoting a tweet on my screen I didn’t know that stuff about CNN and ITV myself.
In my defence this is history happening right here right now. My grandchildren, if I live that long now Trump has his hands on the off button will ask where were you when the world went dark? On the late running 7.53 to Victoria just won’t cut it.
Bloke with way too much hair gel by the window pipes up,
“Hillary’s camp hasn’t conceded.”
He’s clearly an idiot, not because of the copious hair gel, but yes that too.
“Is that a Samsung?” I ask gesturing at his phone. He nods, “a Samsung Galaxy 7? I press.
“Yes?” he’s looking confused, but the penny will drop.
“Okaaaaay … “I tail off in that annoying way people do when they think you’re wrong but pretend to agree with you. Deliberately ignoring him rolling his eyes, I know, what he’ll eventually realise is Samsung equals exploding batteries equals unreliable source. That’s not an opinion, that right there is a fact. He shouldn’t really be allowed on the train with that thing.
I turn to give my fellow iPhoner in the retro stonewashed denim jacket who must be freezing, (it’s November mate) a conspiratorial look. However, quickly spot he has the iPhone 7 and instead change my metaphorical high 5 to a respectful nod which he duly acknowledges by turning away. Fair enough, but he’ll be sorry when he gets outside. I hope he has a long,long walk to work.
Changing trains and a woman with a fuck off engagement ring, (it can’t be real surely) says to me,
“What’s the world coming to?”
a) what does she know of the real world with my annual salary on her left hand and b) yes she’s pretty in that rom-com-best-friend’s-older-sister kind of way but she must be someone’s midlife crisis. This isn’t petty jealousy, I’m not the type of girl who doesn’t like to see fellow sisters break the glass ceiling. And yes I know the analogy’s not quite right but you’d know where I was coming from if you could see this mother of a ring. Going back to my list, c)This is a leading question and I’m done making friends this morning. I stop short of patting her shoulder to reassure her, rule 4 (‘No intentional physical contact with strangers or work colleagues. This is reserved for immediate family and frenemies only, no exceptions).
I’m evidently not myself this morning, history or nay, I restrict my response to a vague nod, my eyes somewhere in the middle distance. Disappointed she wanders off in the direction of trains to Westfield and the north. Maybe she works in a jewellery shop and the ring isn’t even hers, she’s got it on loan or something. Yes, that would make more sense. I feel a bit better, then remember Trump will be the leader of the free world.
#HereWeGo 